When God leads and you follow

Today as I was walking home from school, I was suddenly struck with the question, "How did I get here?"  I was dumbfounded.  I am this 24 year old child trying to make it for the first time as a real adult in this tiny poverished country of Rwanda.  How did this happen?  If you knew me even 5 years ago, you would have never thought this is where I'd be right now.  I know I never saw it coming!  I was a frightened little girl (seriously, scared of everything) who only liked food from the USA and sometimes Italy :)  I'm conquering fears here everyday; whether it be climbing a mountain filled with bats flying overhead, or eating mysterious Rwandan food.  Really, I'm still the same frightened child.  I think that's why I'm so amazed that God brought me here.  One thing that I've been reminded of is that God doesn't send you somewhere physically or emotionally that he has not already equipt you for.  There are many times in a day that I think, "I am inadequate.  I don't know what I'm doing here.  Someone else could do this better."  But in reality, God chose me to be teaching art here in Rwanda; not someone else.  I may have decided to come to Rwanda, but it was not I who first came up with the idea.  God kept knocking at the door with persistence and all I did was open the door.  He threw dozens of opportunities at me and all I did was accept them.  It's amazing what happens when our hearts are willing to open whatever door God knocks on. 

Before I got here, all I could think about was moving to Africa.  It was a huge step of faith in which I was blindly following while resisting the fear welling up inside of me.  A part of me thought the decision to come here was a big enough step of faith to allow me to rest in the joy of God's favor for awhile.  Yeah, I just read that and it sounded pretty foolish.  But, I can't take it back now.  Well, I'm here to say, it doesn't work that way.  I feel as though since I've been in Rwanda, I haven't stopped fighting this spiritual battle.  Don't get me wrong, I love it here.  God has blessed me beyond belief!  But that doesn't erase the fact that I struggle with the same sins here that I did back home.  Location doesn't change the heart.  I maybe even struggle more here than at home just because I am not around people who know me at my core like I have at home.  Although, some are learning to read me!  Something I am learning is that just because I'm struggling, that doesn't mean I have lost favor with God.  I am constantly turning to God asking for his direction and for Him to move in my heart because I know I certainly can't fix it on my own!  He responds with grace everytime and I'm amazed at how patient He is with me.  As I've read multiple times in the last 2 weeks, "Nothing can ever separate us from God's love."  I've read that before and have probably used that verse from Romans 8 in some bible studies, but for some reason, I can't seem to hear those words enough these days.  It's a beautiful reminder of the unfailing, miraculous love that dragged me out of despair.  I have truly expected God to refine me while being here in Rwanda, and I think this is the start of the process. 

I have to continue to follow where God leads while I'm here.  It's not as if I got here and God said, "Thanks for coming, Micki!  Now you can do as you wish!"  Yikes, that would be a trip, wouldn't it?  God is still knocking at different doors asking me to open them and accept more opportunities.  I admit, at times I want to say, "Leave me alone already!"  But, that attitude only comes when I am lacking some serious Z's.  Mostly, I've been getting anxious to get deeper into my purpose for God leading me here, but God keeps saying, "Chill out, Micki.  Just take it all in first, then I will load you with responsibility."  Ok, so maybe He hasn't said those exact words, but don't you think God would say "chill out"?  Anyway, there is some talk about starting YoungLife at KICS.  I'm so excited to get it going, but the process hasn't even begun.  Another teacher and I are going to meet soon to go over what topics we should cover in Campaigners and where and when we should have it.  Can't wait to see how God leads this ministry!  He never ceases to surprise me.