That is the perfect description of how I've been feeling about the big move to Rwanda coming up in less than a month! I spent the last week at Young Life camp with so many of my close friends along, and kids that I have spent the last few years building relationships with. Up until this point, I have been in denial about actually leaving all these wonderful people that I love so much. I hit a breaking point at camp where I realized that I won't be able to be as much a part of these kids lives as I want to be. I just spent this week hearing all about ways in which they are broken and hurting. I so badly want to be the shoulder they cry on and the person they can talk to and confide in about their continual struggles. My heart breaks knowing their pain, but getting up and leaving them to handle it alone. I'm grateful that there are 3 other great girl leaders to care for these kids. And I am stretched to rely on God to be present in these kids' lives. In fact, I am more encouraged to pray and trust God with these kids' lives than ever before. I realize I rely way to much on "what I can do" than what God can do! I know God has called me to go to Rwanda, so all I can do is trust Him in his timing and plan for my life and theirs.
One month to go is not enough time. Everything is just flying by and I have slices of time when I can't even think straight about how I am going to survive without all my family and friends surrounding me... all the people who know me and get my weird sense of humor and still love me :) It's times like these when I have to remind myself that this journey will be with me and God. Who knows me better than Him? Who created in me a weird sense of humor? Who loves me more than He does? In light of this, I am excited to really find my identity in Christ through this experience. I know I often stake my identity on other people's opinion of me and who I am in their eyes. My desire is to be God's daughter and Jesus' ambassador. All the other titles I currently hold could lessen in emphasis, as long as these two become greater.
