The Journey of Leaving

SURRENDER.  The morning of New Years Day, that’s the word Gervais and I chose to uplift in 2020.  We will be holding it close to mind and heart as we prepare to surrender our beautiful life in Kigali to the Lord as we close out this chapter and on to another. 

I bet you didn’t even know I had a blog until now!  I haven’t updated it in years probably because life in Rwanda became normal and it didn’t feel like a new adventure everyday as it once did.  It felt like home.  Three years ago I remember thinking… my life never changes.  I thought this as I watched friends get married, have kids, and make big moves. Yet I felt I had hit the snooze on change.  But a year later, God rocked everything I thought I knew.  Nothing dramatic or traumatic happened.  God just spoke to me.  Now that I say that, it is pretty dramatic! 

I thought I would be in Rwanda forever.  I had no idea of God’s plans except that I wanted in.  Last I heard he told me to come to Rwanda.  I didn’t usually seek to know if he kept saying stay.  I felt like he’d let me know if it was time to move on and he sure did.  I want to share this story with you because when you are in a place as long as I’ve been (nearly 10 years) an explanation is often desired by those who stay.  I know I’ve been the one who stays for a few generations of exodus in Kigali and have often wondered how people know it’s time.  Well, I want to break this into parts of how God spoke to me because it wasn’t all at once.  God loves me, this I know, and he showed me even in how he asked me to go.

FIRST WORD

In October 2017, I was invited to my first Young Life SALT (Senior African Leadership Team) gathering in Dar es Salaam, Tanzania.  Since then, those gatherings have been a special time of hearing from God for me.  There was a lot to be said about the first one though!  It came at a time when I was completely spent and crippled!  I had the craziest two months prior to this with having my phone stolen, and then my ankle sprained, and then my friend Kelsey getting into a terrible accident right before I left for the trip.  Both Kelsey and I went to the airport in wheelchairs, although she was going to London for surgery and I was going to SALT.  I remember sitting down with Papa Deo and Mama Irene, the spiritual consultants at the time, and lamenting about how I felt like I was under attack.  Papa Deo asked me an odd question after hearing me out.  He asked, “If you were to fall in love and the man asked you to move to California with him, would you go?” I laughed at the question thinking how ridiculous it sounded.  But I sat and thought about it and realized my answer was no.  I felt too responsible for Young Life ministry in Rwanda.  How could I up and leave it for a guy?!  Papa Deo sensed my hesitation and said this phrase that still sticks with me today. “You are not supposed to be married to ministry.”  That was the start of me putting this ministry into God’s hands and being open to his next path for me. 

SECOND WORD

A few months later, I was approached about a Young Life position in Bloomington, IN to be the YL College director, working alongside a dear friend of mine, Jeff Mahrt.  I’ve been approached by other YL areas before and usually my answer was a quick no and I never even gave it another it.  But this was different.  Two months after he mentioned the position to me I still was daydreaming about it.  My heart was free to dream and wonder about what God might have in store.  But I was at war with myself.  I was starting to want a change, but was scared to face it if it ever surfaced. 

THIRD WORD

In March 2018, I went to another SALT gathering in Dar es Salaam.  During this training, there was a lot of talk about replacing yourself in ministry.  I felt discouraged at this because I felt like as long as I had been pouring into leaders, none have been seeing themselves in my position… in other words none have seem called into full time ministry.  So I was sulking in my chair when Steve Larmey, the VP of YL Africa/Middle East at the time, asked me if I had someone to replace me.  I said no and just shook my head.  He took notice and I believe God kept me on Steve’s heart because later that week he asked to speak to me before I left. 

So we were having a big party at the end of the week, mingling and saying goodbyes with dear friends, when one of those friends, whom I had just met, approached me with these words, “Hey Micki, so I usually never say anything to anyone about things God puts on my heart to tell them unless it comes to me like 6 times.  So I’m here and God told me to tell you 10.  Does that mean anything to you?”  I was bewildered that God would speak to her about me in the first place!  I couldn’t understand what 10 would mean to me until a few moments later when I finally had my conversation with Steve.  He first asked me, “How long will you be in Rwanda? “  I was a bit flustered by this question because I felt like I had given Steve no reason to worry that I’d be leaving soon.  So I just said to him, “At least another two years, because that’s how long I would need emotionally before I could leave.”  He then said to me, “I want you to know you are not responsible for finding your replacement in ministry.  That’s my job.”  And somehow, at those words, God entered freedom into my heart.  It broke the chains of my feeling of responsibility and opened me up further to God’s new plan for my life.  I lay in bed that night, wondering what God was doing.  I still wasn’t sure what 10 meant.  I couldn’t figure out where the number 2 came from, but it came out of my mouth.  As I pondered all of this, a math equation came to my mind.  I had been in Rwanda almost 8 years. I told Steve I’d be there another 2 years.  And my friend Shay spoke 10 over me.  Lord, are you calling me back to the States?  That was the question in my heart that was exploding with emotion at the thought. 

FOURTH WORD

Over the next week, everything I read, listened to, and prayed was about this new thing God was calling me to.  I would cry on my way home from club, missing the kids and leaders already.  I mourned for months and I wasn’t even gone yet!  But I felt it in my heart, that God had something new for me.  It was a scary yet exciting time.  I felt like God was seeing me and not just what I did for him through Young Life.  He noticed me.  I mulled over that for months and started dreaming of where God would have me next.  The miracle in it all was that God placed a desire in my heart to move back to the States as well.  Three or so months later, I felt like I needed to spend some needed prayer time away to solidify if God was really saying that I should move to the States.  So I booked a solo prayer retreat at Lake Kivu for a weekend in July.  Not long after I booked that, my friend Annie started dating a guy.  Being single in Rwanda was hard but manageable especially when having single friends I could do everything with.  Annie was one of those friends I was always with.  Within a week of her dating Eric, things seemed pretty serious.  About at the week mark of their relationship, I had a sleepless night crying out to God.  I was happy for Annie, but angry that I had not yet been given a spouse of my own.  And there I was, praying about leaving Rwanda in 2 years, so in my head, I would be waiting at least another 2 years for a spouse!  I wasn’t even praying to God that night. I was raw with my emotions and just letting him know how I felt. 

The next day, I was sharing with my friend Shelbye about the night I had, crying about being single again.  As I was sharing with her, I received a text.  I looked down at it and was surprised to see that it was from Gervais asking me out to dinner.  My immediate reaction was to laugh and say to Shelbye, “Welp, I guess this will solve all my problems!”  I thought God was so funny and timely!  I also had never thought about Gervais as a potential boyfriend so I dismissed it at first.  But later that night I said yes.  Gervais and I went on our first date and then on our second.  On the second date, Gervais told me how he felt about me and asked if I felt the same.  I told him I honestly didn’t know how I felt.  Then he asked me how long I would be in Rwanda.  “I’m actually going on a prayer retreat tomorrow to ask God about that,” was my response.       

At the start of our second date, I didn’t know where this was going.  By the end of our second date, I couldn’t stop thinking about Gervais.  That continued on to the next morning on my drive to Lake Kivu.  I was so caught up in thinking about him that I went in the wrong direction for an hour before I realized I was lost!  I also thought that the timing of starting to date someone, especially a handsome Rwandan someone, was so interesting because here I was praying about leaving Rwanda! So as I sat down to pray that weekend, I asked God to speak to me.  God sent me to a verse in John 10 where it says the sheep recognize the shepherd’s voice.  He was reminding me that I heard him before.  I know his voice because I’m his sheep.  Then without any prompting, my mind was brought back to that sleepless night I had a couple weeks ago when the anguish in my heart was that I would leave Rwanda and have to wait at least 2 more years to get married.  I kid you not, I heard God say, “Why wouldn’t I give you both?”  I broke down in tears of joy, not understanding God’s love for me.  From that point on, I felt so bold in my pursuit of a relationship with Gervais and in moving to the States. 

SO WHAT'S NEXT?

For those of you who don’t know, Gervais and I got engaged after 3 months of dating and then got married in June 2019!  All of which feels like God’s 2^nd greatest love story to me, second behind Jesus.  Since our 3^rd date, Gervais and I have been planning to move to the States in June 2020.  We’ve kept it somewhat silent because we have wanted to remain present with friends, family, and teenagers without the constant talk about what our plans are.  Up until recently, we didn’t have any plans confirmed!  But now we know that starting in June 2020 we will be moving to my hometown of Jasper, Indiana and I will be the next Young Life Area Director for Dubois County!  We will get to sow into a community that greatly influenced me toward Christ.  We are thankful to be near family and for Gervais to live where I’m from.  There is always a happy and a sad to each transition.  We will really miss Kigali, but expect to visit as frequently as we can!  As far as Young Life ministry goes, we still have a lot of questions as to what International School YL will look like in the future, but trust that God is truly faithful and will provide who and what is needed for God’s mission to continue.  We would appreciate your prayers for the community we leave behind and the community we will go into.  Pray for us to have complete surrender to God as we mold into his plan for our lives.