(Written on March 6) This has been the craziest two days of my entire life. I have never in my wildest dreams imagined I would witness such an abundance of miracles as I have through raising support for Rwanda Young Life. I am baffled, bewildered, and blessed by the overflow of funds that have come in over the last 9 months and even the last two days. Two days ago, I recall praying that God’s timing would be perfect and that when He wanted me to be back in Rwanda, that would be the moment I would step on Kigali soil. When I prayed that, I anticipated and hoped for April, but also knew logically that it would probably be later than that. My logic was trumped by God’s reality quicker than I could have ever thought possible. I’d heard stories about God providing in abundance in the last leg after a long marathon of fundraising, but I never thought I would be one to tell that story. But here I am!
(Written April 4) With only 8 days remaining before I depart to Rwanda, I’ve been reminded of how easy it is to move forth with life, forgetting about God’s miracles we witness. I was on cloud 9 on March 6, praising God with every breath I took. I couldn’t think about anything but God’s love for me. I saw so clearly how involved God was in my life that I forgot all about the months of challenges I had faced in the process. I saw that He was there all along and I was humbled that I ever thought that this funding depended on my own faithfulness. It was all done because of God’s faithfulness, not mine. Reflecting on those two days that knocked me off my feet, I wonder why my response to God isn’t like that everyday. We witness miracles every single day. We witness God’s provision in every single breath. Yet, so much junk can get in the way of a heart being set free from worry or doubt.
I am still up in the clouds about God’s love and faithfulness, but I’d say I’m on a lower cloud; like cloud 5. I’ve been wondering why I’ve come down even as much as I have. God is still the same God. His love is the same as it has always been. My vision is what has been distorted. My focus has been less on Him, and more on “What now?” Questions of “How?” and “What?” have been filtering through my mind, making me believe I have to have all the answers before I go. Never will I ever have all the answers. I have been reminded to “Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for Him to act.” (Psalm 37:7) Sometimes I want to rush ahead of Him; make sure I’m ready for any curve ball that is thrown at me. But I’m told to “Commit everything you do to the LORD. Trust Him and He will help you.” (Psalm 37:5) Sounds pretty straight forward, but its simplicity can fool us into thinking it’s easy.
If you’ve ever heard the story of God leading the Israelites out of Egypt, you remember how shocking it was that they so easily dismissed God after seeing Him provide an abundance of miracles to ensure their safety time after time. From the beginning of time, God has not received the credit only He deserves from His creation. We have such short-termed memories that fixate on what is presently needed, rather than what God proved that He is more than capable of doing in our lives. I want to fix my thoughts on what God has done, not what I need done. Although I should bring to Him what I need on a daily basis, I hope that once my need is brought to Him, I can move forth in praise knowing that God knows best how to meet my every need. Praise God that He is patient with us and remains the same, even when we waver in remembering that.
