God’s calling me… ring ring…. hello?

When I was growing up, the only time I ever heard about God calling people was when they were to become a nun or a priest.  I didn’t fully understand what it meant to be called by God or to follow that call.  I had the questions, “Did God actually call these people?  It probably wasn’t a literal phone call, but did they actually hear His voice?  What did it sound like?  How did they KNOW it was God?”  I still don’t have the answers to all those questions, but I understand a little bit better what it means to be called by God. 

I think being called by God is a lot like receiving a phone call.  I don’t know about you, but I have done my fair share of screening calls.  If I’m with a group of people or in a conversation with somebody, I may not answer the phone if you call me during that.  Just warning you ;)  With caller ID, we know who is calling and can make an educated guess whether or not that call would be worth the interruption or not.  We have the choice to answer the call.  We have the choice to allow our lives to be interrupted by the call.  The only difference is, a call from God might interrupt our plans for our lives, but it’s right in line with what God wants for our lives. 

I have been pondering a lot about what God’s calling is for my life and I can pretty much simplify it into 2 categories.  Some of you might guess it would be to Rwanda and Young Life.  Although that answer seems like it’s right on, that’s not the direction I’m going. 

Category 1:

Love God.  Cliché right?  Well, I hate to tell you this, but God sticks to His clichés like gum sticks to the bottom of your shoe.  No matter where I go in life, I can stand firm in the fact that God loves me and, like in any relationship, He longs to be loved right back.  He wants to be pursued just like a wife wants to be pursued by her husband.  When we strive to love God with a passionate kind of love, our hearts end up stretching out way farther than we thought possible.  He created us to experience a forever kind of love.  That’s the kind of love he gives.  How can we experience the love of God and not have the response to love him in return?  Now THAT seems impossible.

Category 2:

Love others like yourself.  Somehow, this one seems more difficult.  We tend to separate God and people way more than we should.  All people are God’s creation.  We can see small glimpses and likenesses of God through all people because we were all created in His image.  I have a hard time with this because while that is in fact true, the fact that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God sometimes overrides it.  However, if I could separate people from their sin and see who God created them to be, then it would be impossible not to love them.  Isn’t that what Jesus did?  He didn’t see anyone for the sin they’ve committed.  He spoke to their hearts, not their deeds. 

I can never learn enough lessons from the way Jesus' lived.  His life was all about God, His Father, and all about people getting to know who His Father really was.  He knew that if everyone understood the lengths at which God would go to make things right between us and God, we would respond with a grateful heart and a life of love to give away. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I do believe God has placed Rwanda and Young Life specifically on my heart, but before that, He called me something even greater.  He called me His daughter… and asked that I would love my brothers and sisters just like He loves me.  

 

“You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Matthew 22:37-39

Decision… made

About a month ago, I was transformed.  To give you a visual, think of that beat up yellow Camaro that becomes a fast, strong, and adorable Autobot named Bumblebee.  He is always an Autobot, but hidden by a rough untamed exterior.  He appeared to be a mundane rundown vehicle, but boy did he prove the world wrong!  His true self was projected when he would walk instead of roll.  Love that Bumblebee. 

Bumblebee and me… I bet you don’t think we have that much in common.  No, I’m not an Autobot, although that would be a sweet revelation.  I do find that, minus being a Transformer, I can relate to Bumblebee’s double life.  A lot of the time, I feel like I am that Camaro.  Beat up, mundane, untamed.  I go through times that feel repetitive and meaningless.  Usually those are the times that I am reflecting on my own shortcomings and can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Even though, since I became a Christian, I have been made new in Christ, I sometimes revert back to my old ways of thinking.  Romans 7:19-20 describes it well when it says, “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.   Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” 

My transformation came as a result of a decision that I made.  Four about 3 months I waited for an answer from God.  An answer about my future.  I was a Camaro for 3 months.  God was knocking and I was opening the door enough for him to squeeze his face in the crack to tell me that kids need to know Jesus in Kigali.  “Well, yeah!” was my obvious response, “but what more should I do?” was my constant question.  I continued to keep that door only slightly ajar because I thought I had already come up with the solution on my own.  God surely would agree with me.  I mean it was a great plan!  I could continue teaching art at KICS and just go on part-time Young Life staff.  Brilliant!  God uses many different tactics to show us that great plans aren’t necessarily divine plans.  For me, it took 3 months of discouragement toward my “great plan” for me to see that his divine plan would be… well, divine!  I was set against his divine plan for 3 reasons. 

1) It would require me to raise a lot of money and that was intimidating. 

2) It would require me to leave Rwanda for 6 months and live in the States and that was uncomfortable.

3) It would require me to give up teaching art and that was sad.

But alas, in the grand scheme of things, God’s plan won my heart.  “What is God’s divine plan for me?” you might be asking.  To go on full-time International Young Life staff in Kigali, Rwanda :)  After I opened up that door wide enough for him to step through it to reveal his best plan for my life, God rewarded me by giving me unbelievable peace about all those things I was earlier apprehensive about.  Now a different journey begins as I am striving to become more like Bumblebee, the Autobot.  In that aspiration, the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit is they only way that I can come any closer to being the Micki that would be equivalent to the Camaro’s Autobot.  Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I never have to be that Camaro again.  Paul says it well when he proclaimed,  “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 7:24-25

Uncertainty

I wake up most mornings feeling like I’ve got a good handle on what could possibly occur that day.  Sure, there are some good and bad surprises each day, but usually my life remains close to unaltered in spite of them.  However, there are those few circumstances that seem to shake the ground I walk on.  Because of those surprises, I end up in question over my purpose, my worth, my future, and my ability.  Over the last few months, I have been living through an earthquake of surprises.  The big earthquake happened a couple months ago when my future at KICS was up in the air and my calling to Young Life staff was a solid as dried cement.  Since then I have experienced tremors every couple of weeks in which I wonder all those things I mentioned earlier.  Last Friday was one of those tremors.  A series of events happened that made me question my future role in Kigali.  There is something about knowing that I will be returning to Rwanda in August and yet not knowing exactly what my role will be that has let fear and panic creep into my heart. 

I’m never exactly sure how to assess God’s calling.  I don’t know when to think practically and when to just GO because God deemed it good even when it doesn’t make sense to the world.  In coming to Rwanda, I chewed over the idea for months before I actually said yes to coming.  Now I’m here and indeed it has been confirmed that this is where God wants me.  Now the question is, in what capacity?  I have been praying about this a lot… In fact I think I have been using prayer to keep me from making a decision.  Did you know you could overuse prayer?  I can’t just pray and pray about something and never DO anything that the prayer entails.  While my excuse is that I am waiting for a clear answer from God, I know that I wouldn’t be seeking this answer if I didn’t already know what he was calling me to do.  It’s just that what He is seemingly calling me to do is unknown and scary and I don’t feel qualified in a lot of ways.  Fear is a thief of joy and I too often allow it to be the loudest voice in my head. 

Through this process, I want to encourage you (as well as myself) to be confident knowing that God says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13