I have been quiet lately. I usually try to keep this blog up to date each month at least, but I have fallen way behind. The reason I have failed to speak up on here is mainly because I have been weary and discouraged in the past few months. Who wants to hear about that? I would much rather be so encouraged that I can't help but write about all the amazing things I'm discovering about God and seeing him work in me and in the kids and leaders I am pouring into! I'd much rather share with you the miracles I experience and the revelations God has given me. I'd much rather be seen as strong and faith-filled than broken and weak. But alas, I am the latter. While I'd much rather come to you all put together, instead I am going to proclaim my weaknesses to all of you.
I have come to a point of emotional and mental exhaustion. It is no mystery to me why I'm so tired and weak. I confess that I have been reliant on my own power and wisdom to do so many things; things of Kingdom importance. I have spent more time planning than praying, more time speaking than seeking, more time doing than being. Just saying that makes me release a big "ughhh". I experience frustration with myself for being so ignorant and prideful as to think I can do any of this without God! Yet, I keep trying. The Lord has been so patient and gracious with me. He is gently instructing me and revealing what this really means, "When I am weak, then I am strong." I've come to realize my limitations. I have many. I have filled my life with a bunch of stuff. Stuff that seemed imperative and good and noble, but when there's so much of it, it loses its significance and becomes just stuff. Have you ever had that happen in your life? It isn't the stuff that makes me tired. It's the fact that the stuff tries to take priority over my time with the Source of Life who would give me the strength, courage, and vision to approach the stuff! ...The word stuff has strangely lost its meaning now that I've overused it. Which is exactly how it happens!
I want to eliminate the meaningless "stuff" from my life and focus on my Strong God who brings meaning to all the stuff in my life. While I certainly can't do all the stuff I want to be able to do, my God can! I'm learning every day what it means to rely on the Lord by each second. He is holding me up. He is lightening my burden. He is taking on all the stuff. He is filling me with His joy and peace. He is my stronghold. He is all things good and true. And I am His.
