Bound with an Oath

I’ve been doing a lot of reading lately.  Partially because it’s a part of my training to be on Young Life staff and partially because God is pouring out wisdom through these many books I’ve been reading.  Usually I try not to read more than one book at a time, but lately, it has benefitted me to read several books alongside each other.  It’s almost as if they were written to be read together.  If you’re interested in reading books that challenge you in pursuing God on a deeper level I encourage you to read Knowledge of the Holy, by A.W. Tozer and Good to Great in God’s Eyes, by Chip Ingram.  I also just finished reading Back to the Basics, by John Miller which talks about the heart of Young Life’s ministry.  

In the past couple of weeks, all three books have pointed me to focus on one thing- the promises of God.  When praying or when living out my day to day life, I rarely think about God’s promises to me.  More often than not, I live focusing on and praying for God to fix one problem after the next.  How’s God going to fix this one?  I wonder how I would live, if I actually believed that God doesn’t go back on His word.  In The Knowledge of the Holy, Tozer speaks of God as being immutable and immeasurable.  He doesn’t change and He doesn’t have measurable qualities like we do.  Those characteristics of God alone vouch for His nature of holding true to His promises.  He can never love more or less than what he already does because He is the essence of love.  He can never become more or less powerful than what He already is because He is the source of everything!  He can never change; therefore He will never change the way He feels about us. 

One story in the Bible that has brought me to stop and think about how I approach God in prayer is found in Exodus 32 in the Bible.  For those of you Bible buffs, you might already be thinking, “I bet Moses is the main character in this story”.  In fact, besides God, Moses was the only righteous one to mention back when God led His chosen people out of Egypt from their slavery to the land He promised them.  It wasn’t a quick journey and Moses had his hands full with thousands of people counting on him to relay messages of God to lead them to a fruitful future.  Moses often went up on a mountain to spend alone time with God and God would give him instructions on how to lead His people and what they needed to live a fulfilling life.  This time in particular, Moses was away with God for a long time.  So long, in fact, that God’s people started to get impatient.  So, they started melting down gold and molding it into a golden calf in which they began to worship and proclaim it as their god. 

God knew what was going on and His anger over their sin erupted when He was with Moses.  “Then the LORD said, ‘I have seen how stubborn and rebellious these people are.  Now leave me alone so my fierce anger can blaze against them, and I will destroy them.  Then I will make you, Moses, into a great nation.’” Exodus 32:9-10

I can picture Moses sitting there dumbfounded at first.  What would your response be?  Wouldn’t it be tempting to say, “Great!  I share your frustration, God!  I can’t wait to get rid of those whiners!  And it’s awesome you’d be starting over with me and my family.  I can’t think of a sweeter deal!”  Seriously, I don’t think anyone would have thought Moses would be wrong to side with God’s justice on this one.  But, he doesn’t. 

“But Moses tried to pacify the LORD his God. ‘O LORD!’ he said.  ‘Why are you so angry with your own people whom you brought from the land of Egypt with such great power ad such a strong hand?  Why let the Egyptians say, ‘Their God rescued them with the evil intention of slaughtering them in the mountains and wiping them from the face of the earth’? Turn away from your fierce anger.  Change your mind about this terrible disaster you have threatened against your people!  Remember your servants Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.  You bound yourself with an oath to them saying, ‘I will make your descendants as numerous as the stars of heaven.  And I will give them all of this land that I have promised to your descendants, and they will possess it forever.’” Exodus 32:11-13

Moses CALLS GOD OUT.  He knows what God has promised because he was living by those promises.  He’s seen God’s promises come true on numerous occasions and knows that it isn’t in God’s nature to go back on His word.  He reminds God of who He is.  He also doesn’t even entertain the idea of God making him into a great nation.  His heart was for God’s people, not himself.  He speaks for those who aren’t apart of this conversation.  He speaks on behalf of the world.  He seeks to bring out God’s mercy. 

“So the LORD changed his mind about the terrible disaster he had threatened to bring on his people.” Exodus 32:14  Like me, some of you might be thinking that it’s pretty crazy for a man to be able to persuade God in such a way.  God didn’t change to fit what Moses wanted.  God is justice and God is mercy.  This story brings them together to show how God deals with us today.  Because of this story, and all the confirmation I received through reading those books about God’s promises, I just want to find out what God promises me today.  There’s transforming power in them because, as demonstrated here, God cannot break an oath.  If I prayed like Moses, reminding God of His promises, instead of praying about every problem that comes my way, I know that my world would be a brighter place.  I know that I would start to see God fulfill more promises and fix more problems than ever before.  Would you like to join me?

Bridging the Gap

It’s sometimes strange being here in Indiana.  In most cases, it feels like I never left.  Nothing huge has changed in the way the world operates here.  My family and friends have changed in circumstances, but my relationships still remain about the same.  I’d say the biggest aspect that has changed is my reason for being here. 

In Rwanda, everyone understands that you are on a mission field.  It’s not hidden that you are there with purpose and an intentional mindset to make it a better place.  Not many people go to Rwanda to retire or to have a carefree vacation.  It’s a place of restoration not of refuge.  So, in a sense, it is more comfortable to be on the mission field in Rwanda than it is in Indiana.

     

I am living here with a purpose.  The last summer I came home, I felt like a tumbleweed in the wind being blown from place to place with no ambition of landing anywhere because I was heading back to Rwanda soon.  Oh, how different it has been this time around!  After two years of being geographically and  emotionally disconnected from people, I have now been given the mission of being a catalyst in restoring those relationships as well as putting together a community of people who find immense value in being a part of the other mission field in Rwanda.  It’s almost as if I God is trying to bridge the gap between Small-town, Indiana and Big-city, Rwanda.  So, no matter where I am living, there are people who can be right there by my side while I strive to answer God’s call for my life.  In other words, I’m not in this alone.  While I struggle to make this connection on a daily basis, I know that there is great purpose for my return to Indiana for a longer stretch of time.  I have rekindled friendships that would have possibly dwindled over the next 3 years of being in Rwanda.  I have been pushed to live outside of my comfort zone in the pursuit of people I have been distant from for years.  I have been forced to evaluate my own relationship with God and to work on areas that I had neglected to see through.  I have been called to a season of rest beyond my comfort busy zone I’ve lived in for so long.  These are not easy things to change.  In fact, they require more strength than my weak little arms can lift on my own.  However, if I have the King’s strength spotting me, there is no weight too heavy nor any change too great for Him to see through in my life. 

God has never failed me.  Sure, there are times when I don’t agree with everything he does in all of life’s circumstances, BUT I have come to understand that, as His creation, I am not going to understand all His ways because He is on a totally separate brainwave than me.  He sees the world through an artist’s point of view.  We see it as being the dabs of paint or lumps of clay.  We can’t know it all.  We don’t need to know it all.  God cares for us and showed us through Jesus Christ that He’s got a plan for us and His plan doesn’t leave us behind.  It embraces us.  So, no matter where I am, God offers hope and peace beyond what each season of life brings.  My life in Rwanda and my life in Indiana can live in union because of this promise of peace.  If we have peace, there isn’t anywhere we can’t be.  Ever thought about that?

God’s calling me… ring ring…. hello?

When I was growing up, the only time I ever heard about God calling people was when they were to become a nun or a priest.  I didn’t fully understand what it meant to be called by God or to follow that call.  I had the questions, “Did God actually call these people?  It probably wasn’t a literal phone call, but did they actually hear His voice?  What did it sound like?  How did they KNOW it was God?”  I still don’t have the answers to all those questions, but I understand a little bit better what it means to be called by God. 

I think being called by God is a lot like receiving a phone call.  I don’t know about you, but I have done my fair share of screening calls.  If I’m with a group of people or in a conversation with somebody, I may not answer the phone if you call me during that.  Just warning you ;)  With caller ID, we know who is calling and can make an educated guess whether or not that call would be worth the interruption or not.  We have the choice to answer the call.  We have the choice to allow our lives to be interrupted by the call.  The only difference is, a call from God might interrupt our plans for our lives, but it’s right in line with what God wants for our lives. 

I have been pondering a lot about what God’s calling is for my life and I can pretty much simplify it into 2 categories.  Some of you might guess it would be to Rwanda and Young Life.  Although that answer seems like it’s right on, that’s not the direction I’m going. 

Category 1:

Love God.  Cliché right?  Well, I hate to tell you this, but God sticks to His clichés like gum sticks to the bottom of your shoe.  No matter where I go in life, I can stand firm in the fact that God loves me and, like in any relationship, He longs to be loved right back.  He wants to be pursued just like a wife wants to be pursued by her husband.  When we strive to love God with a passionate kind of love, our hearts end up stretching out way farther than we thought possible.  He created us to experience a forever kind of love.  That’s the kind of love he gives.  How can we experience the love of God and not have the response to love him in return?  Now THAT seems impossible.

Category 2:

Love others like yourself.  Somehow, this one seems more difficult.  We tend to separate God and people way more than we should.  All people are God’s creation.  We can see small glimpses and likenesses of God through all people because we were all created in His image.  I have a hard time with this because while that is in fact true, the fact that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God sometimes overrides it.  However, if I could separate people from their sin and see who God created them to be, then it would be impossible not to love them.  Isn’t that what Jesus did?  He didn’t see anyone for the sin they’ve committed.  He spoke to their hearts, not their deeds. 

I can never learn enough lessons from the way Jesus' lived.  His life was all about God, His Father, and all about people getting to know who His Father really was.  He knew that if everyone understood the lengths at which God would go to make things right between us and God, we would respond with a grateful heart and a life of love to give away. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I do believe God has placed Rwanda and Young Life specifically on my heart, but before that, He called me something even greater.  He called me His daughter… and asked that I would love my brothers and sisters just like He loves me.  

 

“You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  A second is equally important: Love your neighbor as yourself.”  Matthew 22:37-39

Decision… made

About a month ago, I was transformed.  To give you a visual, think of that beat up yellow Camaro that becomes a fast, strong, and adorable Autobot named Bumblebee.  He is always an Autobot, but hidden by a rough untamed exterior.  He appeared to be a mundane rundown vehicle, but boy did he prove the world wrong!  His true self was projected when he would walk instead of roll.  Love that Bumblebee. 

Bumblebee and me… I bet you don’t think we have that much in common.  No, I’m not an Autobot, although that would be a sweet revelation.  I do find that, minus being a Transformer, I can relate to Bumblebee’s double life.  A lot of the time, I feel like I am that Camaro.  Beat up, mundane, untamed.  I go through times that feel repetitive and meaningless.  Usually those are the times that I am reflecting on my own shortcomings and can’t seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Even though, since I became a Christian, I have been made new in Christ, I sometimes revert back to my old ways of thinking.  Romans 7:19-20 describes it well when it says, “For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.   Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” 

My transformation came as a result of a decision that I made.  Four about 3 months I waited for an answer from God.  An answer about my future.  I was a Camaro for 3 months.  God was knocking and I was opening the door enough for him to squeeze his face in the crack to tell me that kids need to know Jesus in Kigali.  “Well, yeah!” was my obvious response, “but what more should I do?” was my constant question.  I continued to keep that door only slightly ajar because I thought I had already come up with the solution on my own.  God surely would agree with me.  I mean it was a great plan!  I could continue teaching art at KICS and just go on part-time Young Life staff.  Brilliant!  God uses many different tactics to show us that great plans aren’t necessarily divine plans.  For me, it took 3 months of discouragement toward my “great plan” for me to see that his divine plan would be… well, divine!  I was set against his divine plan for 3 reasons. 

1) It would require me to raise a lot of money and that was intimidating. 

2) It would require me to leave Rwanda for 6 months and live in the States and that was uncomfortable.

3) It would require me to give up teaching art and that was sad.

But alas, in the grand scheme of things, God’s plan won my heart.  “What is God’s divine plan for me?” you might be asking.  To go on full-time International Young Life staff in Kigali, Rwanda :)  After I opened up that door wide enough for him to step through it to reveal his best plan for my life, God rewarded me by giving me unbelievable peace about all those things I was earlier apprehensive about.  Now a different journey begins as I am striving to become more like Bumblebee, the Autobot.  In that aspiration, the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit is they only way that I can come any closer to being the Micki that would be equivalent to the Camaro’s Autobot.  Because of Jesus’ death and resurrection, I never have to be that Camaro again.  Paul says it well when he proclaimed,  “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?  Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 7:24-25

Uncertainty

I wake up most mornings feeling like I’ve got a good handle on what could possibly occur that day.  Sure, there are some good and bad surprises each day, but usually my life remains close to unaltered in spite of them.  However, there are those few circumstances that seem to shake the ground I walk on.  Because of those surprises, I end up in question over my purpose, my worth, my future, and my ability.  Over the last few months, I have been living through an earthquake of surprises.  The big earthquake happened a couple months ago when my future at KICS was up in the air and my calling to Young Life staff was a solid as dried cement.  Since then I have experienced tremors every couple of weeks in which I wonder all those things I mentioned earlier.  Last Friday was one of those tremors.  A series of events happened that made me question my future role in Kigali.  There is something about knowing that I will be returning to Rwanda in August and yet not knowing exactly what my role will be that has let fear and panic creep into my heart. 

I’m never exactly sure how to assess God’s calling.  I don’t know when to think practically and when to just GO because God deemed it good even when it doesn’t make sense to the world.  In coming to Rwanda, I chewed over the idea for months before I actually said yes to coming.  Now I’m here and indeed it has been confirmed that this is where God wants me.  Now the question is, in what capacity?  I have been praying about this a lot… In fact I think I have been using prayer to keep me from making a decision.  Did you know you could overuse prayer?  I can’t just pray and pray about something and never DO anything that the prayer entails.  While my excuse is that I am waiting for a clear answer from God, I know that I wouldn’t be seeking this answer if I didn’t already know what he was calling me to do.  It’s just that what He is seemingly calling me to do is unknown and scary and I don’t feel qualified in a lot of ways.  Fear is a thief of joy and I too often allow it to be the loudest voice in my head. 

Through this process, I want to encourage you (as well as myself) to be confident knowing that God says “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 

God’s Majesty

It's not every day that I feel peace about where God has me, but today is one of those rare days.  In church on Sunday, I was struck by God’s magnitude, beauty, and love.  I was reminded of how HUGE God is and how this whole universe worships Him as its creator.  Who am I, but a small breath of air compared to Him?  At times I worry... about small things like money, friends, teaching, future, etc.  I think about my life and isolate it from God’s plan, not just for me, but for all of His creation.  He takes joy in His magnificent creations that are beyond my comprehension, and even though humans are the created beings that defy him and keep returning to the thought that this life is about us, He values us above all of his creation.  A love like that floors me and I don't even understand it. 

I live in a place that used to harbor hate and relentless murder.   Fear sometimes overcomes my loved ones because they are scared for my life living in a place with such a violent history.  I admit, sometimes I get scared too, but more so, I am not scared to die.  Days like today remind me of what true life is, and it isn't here.  I may physically live in Rwanda, Kigali, Gaculiro, but my heart lives with Jesus.  Everything this life offers is NOTHING compared to knowing and being known by my creator!  I wanted to share the video that played such a large part in harvesting peace in my heart.  So, here it is!  Click on the link below and watch all the way to the end.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU6kMtkV9Fc&feature=related